Amulet comes home
by vault94
Summary: He looked at the necklace and knew that Sam was silently asking for Deans trust for that brotherly bond back for that friendship they once had that could never be reconnected: takes place right after Sam jumps.
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: its more than just mild cussing lots of 'F' words. you have been warned. there are only two chapters and its two accounts about how Dean would or could have gotten the amulet from Sam. please enjoy and leave reviews.**

Dean looked around the field. He felt fine physically. Cas had made sure of that. Every bruise every broken bone that Lucifer had made was gone now.

So ya physically he was peachy but his heart? His soul? No they couldn't be healed.

He was to be forever damaged, lost and broken.

_This wasn't fair he thought _as Dean watched Bobby get healed. _Don't get me wrong _he thought, he was glad that his father figure was ok but Dean really only had one thing on his mind.

Sam.

He jumped into the cage. He saved the world, Dean should be happy, even just a little bit but he wasn't, he was utterly destroyed.

The field was long and broken head stones surrounded him. Yup he buried his brother alright deep and deep into the pitch black of hell. Dean looked at the center, at where the ground had opened up and swallowed his last two family members to the grips of hell and he was useless to do anything.

He just stood by and bled everywhere while his family disappeared. He was fucking useless!

"Dean" Bobby's voice called to him but he didn't turn or answer him.

He couldn't.. "_Go live a normal apple pie life_" Sam's voice echoed in his head while the tears finally began to fall staining his battered face, and his battered heart. He slowly walked to the center, the dead grass touched his knees surrounded him, it was strange. He would end up home where it all had started, where he lost his mother to demons and fire and then 27 years later he would return and lose his brother to angels and hell fire.

Where was the justice?

He finally fell on his knees in the center of where his heart had died at and once again he prayed for death. Just once couldn't God finally listen and give the last Winchester what he wanted. Didn't Dean earn at least that much?

A few more minutes which passed like hours and more tears came as once again his prayers were ignored.

Fuck him he thought. Fuck God fuck the angel Fuck the demons and hell Fuck the world!

But Dean shouldn't be surprised, he could ask for something and he wouldn't get it. No one listened to Dean or ever cared about what he wanted but Sam did. Sammy had always cared about Dean and about what he wanted. His baby brother always tried to give him what he wanted. Weather it was someone to remember his birthday with a 6 year old Sam and one birthday candle in a cupcake or a knife that he admired Sam always tried to give his big brother the best he could get. But what Sam never knew was that all he wanted was for his brother to be safe and happy.

He couldn't even get that much.

Foot steps approached him friend or foe he didn't know and he sure as hell didn't care.

"Dean" friend his mind sighed sadly. "Come on boy. We should get going." Bobby's voice was gently and sad. His words were meant to reassure Dean but it pissed him off even more and made the tears come faster. "No" was all he could say.

"Dean" Bobby tried again.

"No" Dean yelled this time. A sob broke lose. "No." he said quietly.

Staring intently at the ground as if hoping a very tall man would jump right back up and smile at him and tell him its going to be ok lets just go home Dean, but no such thing happened. Why would it, it would mean something good for the Winchester and heaven forbid that should happen.

"I'm not leaving him." he knew Sam was no where near his big brother.

He was so far away an in so much pain. He knew Sam would suffer, far worse then what Dean had experienced and he couldn't take it. He wanted to die, trade places with his brother or join him in his hell any of those options worked for Dean but not this one, dear God not this one.

"Dean, Sam is no where near here. He's in the cage that's even deeper than hell" simple statement focus to the point and it killed him even more. "Shut it" Bobby snarled irritated about the angels lack of sensitivity.

"Dean" Bobby started again not wanting to leave the boy here all alone but Dean cut him off.

"Leave…I….I will meet you at your place I just….I….need time." he barely could breath. He was shattering and nothing could fix him no one could. Except for one who was to far to reach.

Bobby's hand was on Deans shoulder and gently squeezed it simply trying to reassure his oldest that he wasn't alone and then turned and left. Cas left too leaving Dean to his misery and despite his 'fathers' reassurance of not being alone the truth was he was alone, utterly alone.

The sun was lowering and Dean ran out of tears now he just sat in the numbing echo of who he use to be. He was nothing without Sammy.

His whole life was about Sam and he was gone. Dean felt like a part of him was missing.

A part of him was lost as the sun went down. He knew far in the back of his mind he knew he should leave but when he decided to make it a serious thought something glinted in the grass. The sun light had hit it just right and now gleamed in the over grown grass crying for Dean to see it.

Dean squinted and reached for the object.

His hands wrapped around it and brought it to his face and just stared at his palm. The familiar black cord hung loosely in his grip. In his hand he held the amulet.

The tiny gold whatever it was that Sammy gave to him at Christmas so long ago was back. He remembered when he through it away after he lost hope in his brother.

His heart ached at the memory pushing him back into tears.

He through it away and Sam had picked the necklace up and kept it. After all this time after all the shit he put Sam through his brother had kept it and left it for Dean. Silently asking for Deans trust for that brotherly bond back for that friendship they once had that could never be reconnected.

Dean wept and slipped the necklace back on, the familiar weight felt good he felt safe like a little piece of Sammy was and would always be with him.

He pulled what strength he had left and stood up. Staring at the field that held so much blood and pain for him and he hated it. It was meant to be a resting place and it turned to a battle field. Everything being destroyed.

Dean turned and made his way to his beloved girl and started her up.

As he stared through the destroyed window that served as a horrible reminder of resent events. Dean backed up and tired to leave his brother behind him. As much as he told himself he would move on and be safe with Lisa he knew that nothing in this whole wide fucking world would or could ever replace what he lost.

Dean backed away and drove thinking of wanting to get to Lisa's but really? Dean just wanted to run away from the pain. To bad Dean didn't stay an hour longer to find an unconscious body that was Sasquatch size with shaggy brown hair laying in the field waiting to wake.


	2. Chapter 2

**Warning Light cussing**

"Dean" friend his mind sighed sadly.

"Come on boy. We should get going." Bobby's voice was gently and sad but when his hand found his shoulder the grip was firm and familiar. Dean nodded and he turned leaving with the older hunter. He couldn't stand being in the field any longer it hurt to much.

He followed Bobby home said his goodbyes and he promised to call but they both knew that the retiring hunter wouldn't call. Cas left with his cryptic shit and Dean refused to answer to think or feel as he drove breaking sonic speed trying to run away to get away from his pain but he couldn't escape.

The pain was seeping from him into his baby it was all around him. Hell all he had to do was look over at the unnatural unoccupied seat to have his heart in his throat and tears falling again.

The longest period Sam had been away from him from his car was when Sam went off to Stanford. At least that time Sam was happy and safe but not now. Sam wouldn't return to the car, the passenger seat would always be an empty reminder of his heart and with those thoughts he slammed on the gas dying to be rid of the car to be rid of the pain that was threatening to drowned him.

A normal trip to Lisa's was a 2 day drive he got there in less than 24.

He was a mess when he knocked and he half expected her to scream at him, slam the door in his face he never really expected kindness from people but she took him in and saw that he was damaged.

Ben could tell as well and so they left him alone letting him adjust at his own rate. To be comfortable with his new environment to begin to except this new reality however long it took they were willing to wait for him to move on.

But Dean knew he couldn't.

He had been there a week and each night he was over taken by nightmares so sleep he decided was not needed in his life. Two days and Dean hadn't slept he just couldn't, he saw Sam jump and he woke up calling for his little brother but his little brother was gone forever and he hated himself for making the damn promise.

Dean looked down at his coffee mug which was filled with whiskey.

It was 5 am when Lisa came down seeing that he wasn't in bed but he didn't look at her. He was staring outside lost in thoughts, lost in memories when she spoke. "Dean you can put your car in the garage. You said you didn't want to drive it anymore it, it would be better protected" her voice trailed off. She wondered if he was even listening to her.

"Ya that sounds good" his reply was short and simply like always and his voice sounded dead very much like his eyes.

He took the keys and left Lisa with a heavy heart watched the man she loved leave but he wasn't him anymore. He looked like him but this Dean was broken. And for once Lisa didn't know if she could make him right again.

Dean pulled in nearly crashing his car into the other side of the garage.

Three seconds in the car and he wanted to cry and rip his skin of.

Yup he was never driving this again. He turned the car off and left the keys in something he would have never done before and grabbed a tarp and covered his once proud girl who now just served as a painful trinket of what he had lost.

He was at the trunk and realized he had no weapons on him. He was done with hunting but he wasn't stupid he needed his guns and knives close by in case of an emergency.

He walked back to the front and took the keys out. He opened the trunk and saw his and Sam's duffel. His breath caught but he picked his bag up and sat it on the table going through his life.

Mainly garbage but he kept his gun and Ruby's knife and tossed the crappy bag that used to hold everything he owned he shook his head and turned back to the trunk.

Sam's bag sat there and he didn't want to go through it. To throw away his stuff meant that he was forever gone and that was unacceptable.

Dean reached into the trunk grabbing holy water and extra bullets when he saw an envelop sticking out of Sam's bag. An envelop?

Weird.

He felt dirty picking it up but that quickly was replaced with dread and pain.

_Dean_. The envelop read.

It was in his brothers hand writing.

Had Sam left him parting words? Dean took a deep shaky breath, _calm down _he chanted.

He leaned against his baby feeling safe and familiar with her and opened the letter with trembling fingers. First he pulled out a folded note but that wasn't all that was in there. He reached in and pulled out a familiar object. An object he thought was long gone.

Dean slide down and sat heavily on the ground as tears threatened to be unleashed. It was his amulet.

Sam gave it to him so long ago and not so long ago he through it away after losing faith in his brother. He had regretted it immediately but it was to late or so he thought. He took a shaky breath and opened the note that would further rip his heart out.

"_Dean, if your reading this than hopefully my plan worked and I tripped Lucifer in the cage if not then I'm sorry I really did try but I'm staying positive and I believe I will succeed. With that being said please keep your promise Dean this is my last request so don't screw it up Jerk. You deserve to be happy and this is the only way. You've been there for me but I never really told you how much I appreciated you and all that you did for me what you gave up but uh Thank you that's why I want you to have a better life. I know you will make an awesome Dad because you made an awesome brother. I truly am lucky to have you as my big brother and chick flick moment ahead but I love you Dean. Not once in my entire life you gave up on me and when I pushed you far enough and I lost your trust I refused to believe that I couldn't get you back hence the object enclosed with this note. I hope with it you will understand why I jumped and don't be fooled Dean I was scared shit less with the idea of letting the devil ride me but I will succeed and it will be because of you that I do. I love you big brother. don't ever forget that. _

_Always your little brother, Sammy."_

A tear fell on his brothers note then another and then another he couldn't control himself he had done so good at fighting the crushing feeling but they came back with a vengeance this time and he let the whole world crush around him as memories of his brother over whelmed him and reduced him to even more tears.

Time had been said to heal all wounds but Dean says bull shit to that. Its just stays to have it festering till something picks at it and the agony begins all over again.


End file.
